Talking Centipede
A man walks into a pet shop and says
to the owner, "Ok, I want to buy a pet,
but I don't want a boring normal pet, no
cats, or dogs or budgies, I want some-
thing different." The pet shop owner in-
forms him that he has a talking centipede
"Really?" asks the man. "How much?"
The owner informs him that the talking
centipede is $50. Happy with the unusual
offering the man pays the money and
takes his new pet home.
On getting home he lays the match box
with the centipede in it on the table, opens
it and says "Hello Mr. Centipede, fancy
going to the pub for a few drinks?" The
centipede says nothing. Figuring it must
be tired from the journey he decides to
leave it for an hour and try again later.
An hour later he opens the match box
and says, "Hello Mr. Centipede, fancy
going to the pub for a few drinks?" The
centipede again says nothing. Starting to
get suspicious the man decides he will
give it one more hour, and if the centipede
doesn't talk he will take it back to the shop
for a refund.
An hour later the man opens the match
box and says "Hello Mr. Centipede, fancy
going to the pub for a few drinks?" The
Centipede says, "I heard you the first time
you moron! I'm still putting my shoes on!"
A Wise Duck
One day a Duck went into a store and
ask the owner if he has duck feeds.
"Nope," was the short reply of the man.
The following day the Duck was at the
store again, asking the store owner if
he has duck feeds. "Nope,"
On the third day the Duck was at the
store again asking for duck feeds.This
time the man was visibly irritated and said
in a stern voice,"I already told you several
times that I don't have duck feeds, next
time you ask me that again I am gping to
nail your feet to the floor!"
The next day the Duck was back at the
store and says to the store owner, "Do you
have nails?" The store owner replied,
"Nope." The Duck then, ask, "Do you have
ducks feeds?"
Fish Heads
Peter drop by a general store owned by a
Chinese. Peter noticed that the store was well
stocked with groceries, vegetables, fish and a lot
more.
"My friend, you must be a wise man to be able
to build and manage this kind of business," Peter
says to the Chinaman. "Do you have any formula
to be wise?" Ask Peter.
"Fish heads, eat fish heads everyday," was the
Chinaman's reply. "Really?" Peter could hardly
believe it. "How much is your fish heads?" Peter
asked. "Five bucks apiece," the Chinaman
replied.
"Ok, give me two fish heads, I want to become
wise like you;" Peter paid $10 for the two fish
heads. And so everyday for one month, Peter
would buy fish heads from the Chinaman.
After a month, Peter says to the Chinaman, "You
know my friend, I had been eating fish heads for
a month but I am not getting any wiser as you said;
and another thing, there is a store not far from here
and the guy is selling his fish heads for $1 apiece,
I think you are ripping me off!"
The Chinaman look at Peter with a smile and
said,"You see, you're getting wiser!"
Mayon
Volcano
Volcano
Glad Tidings Assembly
Oceanside, California
Oceanside, California